During A Violent Incident
- If there is an argument, move to a room or area that has access to an exit.
- Consider ways to get out of your home safely. What doors, windows, elevator or stairwell would you use?
- Be prepared to leave quickly, have a packed bag ready and keep it in accessible place. If you cannot take a bag with you, the shelter will provide clothing for you and your children.
- Let a neighbor know about past violence and ask them to call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from your home.
- Use a code word with your children, family, friends, or neighbors so that they know when to call for help.
- Have a plan for where you will go if you have to leave in a hurry.
- Remember, YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE BEATEN OR THREATENED!
Concerning A Restraining Order
- Keep your restraining order with you at all times.
- Inform family, friends, neighbors, as many people as possible that you have a restraining order.
- Call the police immediately if the abuser violates the restraining order.
In Your Home
- Change the locks on your doors and your phone number. Give the keys and phone number only to people you trust.
- Buy locks and other safety devices to secure your windows and doors.
- Discuss alternative safety plans with your children for times when you are home and when you are not at home.
- Inform your children's school, day care or baby-sitter about who has and who does not have permission to pick up your children.
- Inform your neighbors that the abuser no longer lives with you, that you have a restraining order, and that they should call the police if they see him or her near your home.
Steps For Leaving An Abusive Relationship
- Remember, leaving a violent relationship can be very difficult and dangerous. Act quickly. Do not tell the abuser you are planning to leave. Leave money and an extra set of keys with someone you trust so you leave quickly.
- Open a bank account in your name to establish and increase your independence.
- Keep shelter and other emergency numbers at hand, but remember not to leave them around where the abuser can find them.
- Have a safe place to go in an emergency, remember you can always go to your local police station for assistance.
On the Job & In Public
- Confide in someone at work about your situation.
- Arrange to have your telephone calls screened at work.
- Have a safety plan for when you are at work. Arrange to have a co-worker, friend, or security guard escort yuo to your car, bus or home.
Your Emotional Health
- If you are thinking of returning to an abusive situation, first talk with someone you trust about the other possible choices.
- If you have to communicate with the abuser, find the safest way to do this. Try to avoid meeting alone. Have a witness, friend, police officer, or an attorney present if possible.
- Be positive and let others help you.
- Get involved with support groups in your community.
- Don't be embarrassed. You are not alone and you are not at fault.